Where Oh Where Did the Parent Go?

My phone rang and after saying “Hello,” a woman asked, “How are you related to Roi?” Whoa, I could hardly catch my breath, much less answer her question. I quickly gathered myself enough to ask, “And who am I speaking with?” She said, “I met him at a gathering in Orlando, Florida several months ago, and I am engaged to him.”

I immediately responded, “I’m his wife.” She then said, “he told me you had been dead for over five years.” And with that, she hung up.

This was just the beginning of a seemingly never-ending ten-year divorce orchestrated by my ex and his mistress. Having been married twice before she knew how to maneuver through the legal system. She was a pro at being a mistress. She came into our family and separated my ex from our children and me. She was looking for a meal ticket and found one in my ex. He was looking for sex, and they became a perfect pair. He showered her with expensive jewelry, European trips, a home with a pool, an SUV, and more.

The most unimaginable part of this whole divorce is that my kids’ father intentionally chose to never have a relationship with them again.

In the 12 years since my ex met the mistress and married her, he has never sent a birthday or Christmas card. My son’s father even knew he was stationed in Afghanistan for a year. As a former career army officer, who was injured in Vietnam, he might have considered a note as he did have his address.

My kids are successful young adults. How do they understand their father abandoned them almost overnight, and subpoenaed them to testify for him in court?

Ironically, his new wife is the mother of three adult daughters and five grandchildren. Why wouldn’t she encourage him to be in touch with his
children?

I cannot understand how a parent just leaves, says no goodbye and leaves no forwarding address. Does he not think about his kids? Does a calendar date not remind him of a birthday?

The kids never forget the parent is gone, and they never stop wondering why he chose to leave. The sad reality is that despite moving on with careers, marriage, and kids, they never forget the parent left and without saying goodbye.

A few people are successful at finding a deadbeat parent but taking him to court and proving he has abandoned his children is a crap shoot.

I feel bad about saying negative things about the court system as I had wonderful representation. On the other hand, I have been the victim of a negative and disgusting attorney who represented my ex and I have had to deal with a system that is unable to truly enforce judgments the courts handed down.

Nancy

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