WHEN I COULDN’T FIND THE RIGHT ADVICE

One Saturday afternoon my phone rang, and a female voice said, “How are you related to Roi?” Yeah, he’s my [now-ex] husband. Those were the first words of an eight-year divorce. To say the least, I was gobsmacked!

About 12 years into our marriage, I realized that my then-husband was an unusually skilled liar and deception was his forte. At first, I would question something he had said, and he’d tilt his head and say, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I learned that questioning him was pointless, so I kept quiet. Believe me, I was taking mental notes and trusting him less and less.

Over the years, I heard from two people with whom he worked with or for, that suggested he was fooling around. Although this information was years before his final deception, I had no idea that he had a mistress – one he met just five months earlier during a high school reunion.

After that call from Bunny, the mistress, I started educating myself about divorce within two weeks as I was never going to welcome him back, even if he came crawling. My plan was for a successful divorce, one where the parties would divvy up their life together in an equitable manner. After all, I had been his wife for 46 years, clicking my heels and saluting when the Army gave us orders to move where, and do so gracefully. I had put in my time; therefore, I should be recognized accordingly.

As you can guess – the divorce was far from civil. As the weeks, months and years dragged – on the man who wanted the divorce did not follow the divorce orders. Evidently, court orders were not viewed as important as military orders, or perhaps he was being coached. It was his wife’s third marriage, after all.

After searching high and low for a ‘how-to’ book on divorce and never finding one, I was compelled to write about my divorce experience in the hopes of explaining what divorce really means as well as with the hope of helping others. I wanted to explain how to select an attorney and how to work with an attorney. It is important that you are open from the start with your attorney so that they really get to know you and can build a winning case. A book that takes you through the day to day, month to month, and years.

The words divorce and easy will never cross your lips, the reality is that it’s a BITCH. My first challenge was that I knew nothing about writing a book. A college English proof assigned the class to read The Scarlet Letter and at 18 I didn’t like the story. She finally accepted my third critique, leaving me wondering if I could write a thank you note successfully. Years later, overcoming my writing woes, I had great fun writing the book, even laughing at some of the stuff he tried hard to put me through.

I am so thankful for the many endorsements that I’ve received from readers and especially from family law attorneys who have recommended the book for reading in advance of retaining an attorney.

Nancy

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